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Taming of the Toddler (Credit to L.R. Knost)

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“So parents, here’s the scoop on tantrums:
They’re your fault.

Okay, okay, so maybe my toddlerhood contributes to them a teensy-weensy bit, but seriously…

You with the obsession with brushing teeth and bedtimes and matching clothes, enough already! Does it ever even occur to you that there’s another person (Yes, I am an actual separate person from you. Remember that whole cutting of the umbilical cord thing?) Who might have an opinion about what goes in my mouth or when I’m tired or not or what I want to wear? And you, the one who thinks carrots and kale are food. Really? You have all kinds of opinions about what tastes good and what doesn’t, but I’m not allowed to have any? And don’t even get me started on the rush-rush, hurry-up craziness that has me being snatched up in the middle of my most fantastic block tower ever and strapped into a torture device (Btw, where’s your car seat?!?) and dragged from one place to another right through snack time. I can’t have an agenda? Don’t my interests mean anything?

Okay, so maybe I don’t know everything yet, but how am I going to learn if you just force these issues instead of communicating with me about things? That whole learning by osmosis thing (a.k.a. passive learning) didn’t work for you in college, and it won’t work with me, either.

You keep going on and on and ooooon about wanting me to listen. “Why won’t you listen?” “If you’d listen for once!” “Would you just listen to me?!?” I’ve got three words for you…
Two. Way. Street. Maybe instead of that whole failed learning by osmosis experiment you keep trying (You do know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, right? Okay, okay, just checking!) You could read the research and find out that I learn by active engagement (two-way conversation!) and imitation. Yep, that’s right. I learn from what you do, not just what you say.

So here’s the deal… Want me to learn to listen? Then listen to me. Listen and respond to my cries when I’m a baby. Listen and reply to my babbling attempts at talking when I’m a toddler. Listen to my whining and respond patiently when I’m a preschooler. (I know it’s annoying, but whining is my last step, kind of like your ‘last nerve’ you complain I’m stomping on, before I have a meltdown. It’s my last-ditch effort to hold on to the tiny bit of self-control I’ve learned so far in my short life!) Listen and actually pay attention (a.k.a eye contact!) to my endless stories about snails when I’m in middle childhood and to my endless complaints and dramas when I’m in my teen years.

Want me to learn respect? Then show me respect. Show me that you respect my personal space by explaining the things you’re doing to me like changing my diaper or strapping me into a car seat. Show me that you respect others by not talking about them behind their backs (Yes, I can and do hear you!) or yelling at them on the road. Show me that you respect my opinions by asking for them and accommodating them when you can. (I know you won’t always be able to, but the times you do will help me to accept the times you can’t.)

Want me to learn compassion? Then show me compassion. Respond kindly and gently when I’m upset or angry or just out-of-sorts. Stay close when my emotions overwhelm me and I have a meltdown moment. (I need your presence and compassion the most when I seem to deserve it or even want it the least!) And model compassion by treating others kindly in front of me.

Want me to learn self-control? (This is a big one!) Then show me self-control. Take a parental time-out when you get tired or overwhelmed or angry so I learn how to handle those big emotions. Count to ten and take some deep breaths instead of yelling or hitting. And pace yourself in this big world. I need to learn that it’s okay to take care of myself and not feel like I have to fill every moment with plans and schedules and agendas. I’ll learn that from watching you choose wisely from the many opportunities and pressures life will offer.

Okay, so to wrap this up. My tantrums don’t just come out of nowhere. They are the result of tiredness, hunger, frustration, anger, etc. You can prevent them, or at least minimize them, by keeping me fed and rested, by paying attention to my preferences, interests, and attempts to communicate, and by communicating kindly and patiently with me about upcoming changes or things I might not like. And keep in mind, I’m always watching and absorbing everything that goes on around me, so make sure you’re living what you want me to learn! “

Excerpt (The Taming of the Toddler) from Whispers Through Time: Communication Through the Ages and Stages of Childhood by L. R. Knost

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Mama! Open door…..pleeeeeeeease

It’s been toooo long since my last post… I don’t even have an excuse. I keep writing posts in my head…but in my head they stay…probably there are too many memorable Sunshine toddler moments 🙂

But today I’ve committed to writing, maybe because I’m so unused to this alone me- time in the house? See a long time ago privacy became non- existent, because as long as we’re in the same place, the little miss wants to be wherever I am. But today she’s out with my sister, so I got home to a quiet house, and even though it hasn’t even been an hour I miss the being followed everywhere and endless chatting.

Any minute now, I keep waiting to hear a knock on the bedroom door and a sweet voice saying, “Mamaaa! Open door….pleeeeease.” The ‘please’ is always pulled, high pitched and said with the sweetest smile ever. Trust me whenever she uses her ‘please’ it’s impossible to deny whatever request she has.

Before, she just used to reach the door, whichever door it was, bathroom, toilet, bedroom… and shout “dooooor!” and sometimes, “Mama, door!” Then moved to “Open door,” until she realized when she adds that sweet “please” the door opens faster. And now after the “Mama! Open door, pleeeeease,” she adds, “Belle, here,” just in case I didn’t recognize her adorable voice. 🙂 How sweet is that? See why I miss her so much?

You know sometimes I wonder, because that sweet ‘pleeeease’ melts my heart so much, isn’t it possible that she could say, “Mama, throw phone, pleeeeeeease,” and I’ll let her?

Honestly I can’t believe she’ll be 21 months on Monday. Cliché as it may sound, she is growing up so fast! I’m already missing my little girl…considering that my baby is now becoming a very independent, wanting-to-make-her-own-choices/ decisions toddler and we have to come to a compromise on almost everything (no more blindly following mama and just wearing a jacket because she says so :-))