I am so blessed. I am so grateful. I am overwhelmed every minute by the love I have for my baby girl. It’s midnight and she’s finally asleep, but no matter how sleepy I am I always stay awake even after she’s slept probably to just soak in the wonder of having her, knowing I get to be the lucky one she calls ‘mama.’ I read somewhere sometime how we sometimes look at our children in wonder and think, “Gosh, I made that, I helped in that creation,” and that’s how I always feel…pure amazement.
It’s been a long road and that’s probably why I am able to see how my little girl is my little miracle, an answered prayer. All those endless hospital visits during her first year, the hospital admissions, seeing her hurting, the sleepless nights so we could watch her through the night…her endless strength and courage and ability to bounce back. And then now I see my strong, beautiful, talkative, energetic, bubbly, independent girl with insatiable curiosity, so much life and very little need for sleep or rest…and I remember how I bargained with God and said I would rather have sleepless nights and having my little one all over the place rather than unwell with no explainable reason, and I am grateful that God answered my prayer. So even though I have tried to have her sleep early, even though it rarely works, it’s not a big deal to me… I know where we’ve come from… I know what a gift life is… and I also know how precious it is to have my little one jumping up and down on the bed showing me her eyes or ears… or singing ‘twinkle twinkle’… or talking to her dolls and teddy bears… or just making me laugh… I know what a gift it it is to still co- sleep, to be able to turn in the middle of the night and feel her near me and know she’s ok… And I love that I’m still breastfeeding her, the comfort and security she gets from that is what I get from her as well, even if it’s been a difficult day when we’re cuddled together, everything is right. And sometimes I feel like maybe I’m doing things wrong, mothering in a laissez faire way, but then I look at both of us, how happy we are, how much she’s grown in all ways, how full of life, content, secure, developed she is and I know we must be doing something right. And I think of life about a year ago, and how I’d have done anything to just have her well all the time, and I know that I wouldn’t give away our current life and routines for anything…not even more sleep 🙂 I remember how when she was born, I kept being told ‘they grow up so fast’ but at that time I didn’t fully understand it. Now I do…I see how each moment, each day is a time for new discoveries, new sights, new words, new adventures and so many memorable moments and I wish I had a supersonic memory that could store every little Sunshine memory for always…since that’s not going to happen, I have to try and just fully live every moment with my little one and not waste any precious moment.
To finish this rambling session, once again I was reading in some material how infants/ toddlers/ children and adults need a certain amount of daily hugs to help in their emotional development. That made me so excited, because I love hugs! And, wow, an excuse to hug my Sunshine more?! 🙂 Now I must tell you, hugging your little one, nothing compares to that…babies have this innocent baby scent/ touch and their hugs and cuddles are so sweet. So when we wake up, I so look forward to hugging Sunshine and just holding her in my arms or tickling her and making her laugh…but what means even more is the many random times in a day when she’ll just say ‘mama,ug (hug)’ and run from wherever she is into my arms giving me a big ug 🙂 Oh, and butterfly kisses…even the wet sloppy goodnight kisses… I’ll treasure those forever! So I just thought, maybe it’s us who need the hugs more and use the little ones as an excuse? 😉 On that note, let me give my little precious angel, the last goodnight kiss tonight…
Hugs and kisses Sunshine